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So, you want to survive the Zombpocalypse huh? Well, let us start off by informing you that it’s much easier said than done. Truth is, no one knows what will cause it or how long it will last. No need to fear, though, for the staff of After is ready, willing and able to aid your survival efforts. Think about it: if you were faced with the choice of living peacefully or screaming in agony while a pack of the undead pinned you while feasting upon your entrails as if you were part of a Life Alert commercial gone horribly awry, which fate would you select? The answer may seem obvious, but in the rare case that one of you more… “unique” readers who likes to live dangerously and would rather risk the latter scenario, we’ve got you covered. Let’s take a look at the best and worst places to survive the zombie apocalypse, shall we? The Best Place to Evade the Undead: Hel, Poland If the first thing that came to mind when you read the location above was “hey, maybe they’re just slightly dumb,” you were right. Though the name may be misleading, your odds of surviving the resurrection of the dead are best in Hel. Hel’s greatest zombie-proof feature is probably the geography of the town, but its origins and features certainly should not be overlooked. Hel’s geography makes surviving hordes of flesh eaters easier than taking candy from a blind, sleeping baby. Located at the tip of a peninsula on the northern shore of Poland, Hel is only accessible by one road going into the town or by boat. Sure, the traffic jams might make you wish you were one of the dead, but trust us, this place is the real deal. Since zombies are rotting flesh and cannot reproduce or evolve, they will never be able to swim, and therefore will only have access to Hel via one narrow strip of land which can be easily protected. Plus, only the most basic functions of the human brain operate when it has been reanimated. Swimming requires intense, complex awareness and muscle function, neither of which the undead possess. Running a close second to Hel’s geography is its naval history. Back in the 1930s, Hel was built to house one of Poland’s two naval bases, and was declared a “fortified area” under jurisdiction of the Polish army. To put the town’s fortitude in perspective, it was one of the longest-defended pockets of Polish army resistance during the invasion of Poland in 1939, and later in WWII the Kriegsmarine (Nazi Navy) used it to train U-boat crews. Today, however, it only houses a small naval base. If by some chance zombies did break through the town’s only barrier, survivors could easily hop on one of Hel’s many fishing or naval vessels and sail to safety elsewhere. In terms of surviving the zombpocalypse, Hel ain’t a bad place to be. The Worst Place to Evade the Undead: Dharavi Slum, Mumbai, India Why anyone would ever even think about thinking about living in or visiting this God-forsaken Hell hole voluntarily (whether it be before or after the zombpocalypse is underway) is far beyond me. The Dharavi Slum of Mumbai is without a doubt the worst possible place you could go if your goal is to survive the Hell on earth that stems from reanimated corpses craving your flesh. There are more than a few reasons to avoid this awful city, and topping the list is the problem of overcrowding so severe that it makes Beijing look like a ghost town. Dharavi’s unfathomably terrible overcrowding issue is the key factor that makes it the most difficult place in the world to survive a zombpocalypse. To put things in perspective, the city of Manhattan houses 69,771 people per square mile, and is the 17th most densely populated city in the world. Yes, that’s correct. The city that never sleeps where every moment feels like a violent, premeditated assault on your personal space and hygiene does not even come close to cracking the top 10. Dharavi boasts more than 11 times the amount of people populating Manhattan with 777,000 people per square mile. As you can imagine, running for your life where there’s so many people you can hardly run at all is not very conducive to survival. Neither is visiting a city famous for its public health issues that make Chicago’s meatpacking districts of the late 1800s look like an obsessive compulsive’s apartment with a penchant for taking thrice the recommended dose of Adderall. The next time you sit down to do your business, imagine that you’re toilet user 1,245, and that somewhere around one third of the 1,000+ users that came before you had dysentery. Such is the case in lovely Dharavi, where as of November 2006 there was only one working toilet per every 1,440 residents. This overall lack of plumbing coupled with the shortage of clean drinking water and ease with which diseases have been known to spread throughout the slum make the place a filthy death trap regardless of whether or not the End of Days has come. In fact, if you happen to wind up in Dharavi, you may just be better off dead. Seriously.