So what will you do if the nukes get dropped? Well, first and foremost, we think you’ll need our magazine to help you out in your quest for survival. After all, it is the most important item in your survival kit. We designed this special radiation resistant case built from a mix of tungsten, lead and aluminum that features solar panels on the front to ensure that you stay connected to crucial information even when the whole world has lost power.
Radiation and mushroom clouds are one thing, but what will you do during the Zombie Apocalypse when you meet a skilled traveler on the road and are unsure if their wounds have been inflicted by human or undead hands? Well, worry no more, because this Zombie Blood Tester will give you all the answers you need. Its small size and painless blood extraction technology will ensure that your target will never know they’re getting tested (after all, trust is hard-earned in our darkest hour), and you’ll be able to sleep without worrying about bites from this new potentially kick-ass team member of yours.
So what did we cook up for the Rapture? Well, we predict people will be pretty gullible, scared, and easily manipulated when that time comes. You know what those sinners will need? A leader, someone to give them hope using the promise of salvation (now that they know it’s for real). That’s where you come in, as you’ll be able to easily take on that role with our Chosen One Priest Collar. Pre-record whatever “Godly” Commandments you want and watch the masses trip over themselves to serve you as if you’re their Messiah. Awfully manipulative? Yes. Effective? We think so.